Woman: it’s legal to breastfeed my son in public
Cop: not while he’s driving

You Might Also Like


itโ€™s my first birthday in four years so say happy birthday to me rn or iโ€™ll k*ll u with my bare hands


[playing guitar in hotel lounge]

Me: *puts out cigarette* Any more requests out there tonight?

Front desk: Yes. Would you please get out of the lobby?


Me: *being hauled on a stretcher into an ambulance* Shotgun!

EMT: dude your gonna die if you si-

Driver: dammit Dave, he called shotgun


Netflix: Should I play this movie?

Me: No no I’m just looking at it for a second

Netflix: I’ll put it on

Me: I’m just literally reading what it is

Netflix: It’s playing ๐Ÿ™‚


It’s impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I’m afraid it’s time to say goodbye.

So this is your uncle, you live with him now.


Wu-Tang is my favorite 15 person rap group and reaction to a beverage.


How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after your wife tells you she wants a divorce?


Thanks for suggestions Coca Cola, but I only share my coke with Jack


Netflix: Are you still watching?

Me: Can you hear my chips?


Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run.

Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes.