If a dentist make their money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Woman: The bees are dying.
random male: I don’t know what kind of men YOU hang out with but I’M not killing bees.
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It’s the 13th anniversary of “Umbrella”. What a good excuse for…
ME: *to friend* you’re dumb as a box of rocks lol
BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude
JOB INTERVIEWER: So what are your biggest weaknesses?
HE-MAN: Well, I-
*job interviewer’s fake mustache falls off and it’s Skeletor*
After watching “101 Dalmations” I hoped my dog’s barking was to help others, but I think she is just spreading gossip.
If I say I love you, don’t read too much into it. I just told this cheesecake that I love it, too.
I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, “You sound like you’re 4 – it’s the grocery store”.
At 17, Joan of Arc led the French to victory and I just looked for my phone while talking on it.
PSA for librarians: occasionally check how the World Book encyclopedia is arranged on your shelves
BREAKING NEWS ON FACEBOOK!
Pam wants everyone to know what a great husband Don has been these last 8 years & for making her so very happy!