Wow, you’re a Sagittarius??
That must mean you’re trusting, passionate and thick as pig shit to think I care about horoscopes
Woman: The bees are dying.
random male: I don’t know what kind of men YOU hang out with but I’M not killing bees.
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People who sleep on the floor in a tent, build fires, poop in a hole and fight off bears…there is another way.
How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra
My dating profile just says, “High risk, high reward”.
Editor’s note: sorry about ‘snowboard’ typo, should be ‘snowboarder’ found dead
It must have been really strange for Jesus to be the only white guy in the entire Middle East.
ME AS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR:
I signed you both up for Tinder
*1 week later
ME: You still want a divorce?
THEM: OMG NO THAT WAS HORRIFYING
wife: STOP, you’re turning into your father
me: well, he shouldn’t be standing in the driveway like that
Before YouTube, people had to travel to music video shoots to argue about Hitler
Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.