@Home_Halfway: *Woman throws a drink in my face but I swallow it all perfectly*
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@jessokfine: When people try to debate me online I’m just going to suggest they read a book I make up and that doesn’t exist
@Sickayduh: DAD: What happened to your car? SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now
@JillBidenVeep: Joe: Just met with Secret Service Barack: Oh yea? Joe: I got them to agree to call Trump "David S. Pumpkins"
@psybermonkey: God, creating dogs: make them smart Angel: how smart God: capable of saving lives but incapable of turning around if they walk around a tree with their leash on