@NoogsCorner: Women always complain about periods. Talk to me when ovaries become supersensitive, hang in a thin sac and you accidentally sit on them.
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@troublewinks: Officer: You drinking? Me: You buying? Oh how we laughed and laughed.... PS: I need bail money.
@KrazykurtKurt: I usually spend my Sundays texting apologies but I've had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
@leahlovescheez: Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills? Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....
@Abusitron: As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel.