Postcards are just weird. It’s like, “Hey everyone, feel free to read what I wrote to my aunt until it’s delivered to her house.”
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly.
Men are like bacon because we’re pigs.
You Might Also Like
I just downloaded another distraction on my distraction device so I can be distracted when my other distractions aren’t distracting enough.
My daughter made the carpet hot lava and I’m afraid I’ll be late for work now.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can’t remember the lyrics.
“Here kid. I hope you like not getting laid until college because your bedroom is a giant dinosaur now.”
-extreme home makeover
Why would you want to be part of the problem when you can be the entire problem?
[baby throws up all over the couch]
Cmon dude, I let you live here for free
Me: how much for the horse kabobs
Ride operator: it’s a carousel
First rule of being Italian is to tell everyone you’re Italian.
(I can say this cause I’m Italian.)
I just had the best argument in my head and I cannot wait until someone pisses me off.