Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly.
Men are like bacon because we’re pigs.
You Might Also Like
“No woman, no cry.” – Tarzan breaking up with girlfriend.
“Let’s check in with Ted our correspondent in the field.”
Ted: “Hey Bob I’ve been in this field for about an hour, and I’m super bored.”
Probably the worst time to ask “shouldn’t we go on a date first?” is after getting handcuffed by a police officer.
“Where’s my money?” – a loan shark
“Where are my friends? – alone shark
A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it’s actually one of the only games you can’t lose twice
I’m telling you to go to hell because I’m poor. If I was rich I would kill you.
Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?
Me: Pad Thai please
Server: sir, this is a McDonald’s
Me: sorry. McPad McThai McPlease
*at the ocean*
“don’t forget your oil block, 800 spf sunblock and your radiation suits”
Kids: This fish has three heads