@SummerSongGirl
My dog’s dinner: premium organic grain-free no salt or sugar GM free 80% meat 20% veg
My dinner: Haribo
@TravLeBlanc
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
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@SummerSongGirl
@ruinedpicnic
parents, think twice before dressing your child as Cecil the Lion this year. my son will be dressed as a dentist, and I gave him a real gun
@Parkerlawyer
Day drinking poolside. There’s literally nothing that could ruin this moment.
“MOMMY WATCH THIS!”
@DangOlWill
*Bad guy in pokemon voice* i want to end all life *after losing a fight* well fair’s fair here’s twenty dollars
@Sadieisonfire
If I answer yes maybe it’ll finally come true
@70Ceeks
I undo his overall strap & slide it off a barely perceptible shoulder. I pull his steel work goggle down around his “neck”
“BanaNA” he moans
@karencheee
Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.
@AlexvanBeek
Women,
If you could just go ahead, get a plane & spell it out in the sky for us, that’d be greeeat.
Sincerely,
Men
@SortaBad
Me: how old is your daughter?
Person: she’s 31 months
Me: ok but like how old in minutes?
@TCsSideBitch
*standing outside your house
I was totally going to stalk you but…
*pets your dog instead