when you’re jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask “what you know about this?”
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
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ME: why am I always anxious? maybe watching TV will help-
NEWS: IF THE HURRICANE DOESN’T KILL YOU, CLOWNS WILL
AC changed bail to basil, and now I’m sitting in jail with some lovely herbs.
If you boil a funny bone does it then become a laughing stock.
*sees money in my bank account*
oh crap i must have forgotten a bill
Hangman is a weird game to let kids play. Hey kid, if you don’t think of this word, a random man will be put to death.
5: I want to do something no one else has ever done.
Me: Help me clean?
5: No. Something fun.
As my kids get older, I am more convinced that drinking water fixes everything.
Have a stomachache – drink some water
Have a headache – you really need to drink more water
Bear attack on the way to school – I bet the bear was dehydrated, here have a glass of water
*runs away from it all*
*grabs phone charger*
*runs away from it all again*
Amazon Prime sounds like a great dating site for Super Fierce Cougars.