Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.

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when you’re jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask “what you know about this?”



ME: why am I always anxious? maybe watching TV will help-


AC changed bail to basil, and now I’m sitting in jail with some lovely herbs.


If you boil a funny bone does it then become a laughing stock.


Hangman is a weird game to let kids play. Hey kid, if you don’t think of this word, a random man will be put to death.


5: I want to do something no one else has ever done.
Me: Help me clean?
5: No. Something fun.


As my kids get older, I am more convinced that drinking water fixes everything.

Have a stomachache – drink some water
Have a headache – you really need to drink more water
Bear attack on the way to school – I bet the bear was dehydrated, here have a glass of water


*runs away from it all*

*runs back*

*grabs phone charger*

*runs away from it all again*


Amazon Prime sounds like a great dating site for Super Fierce Cougars.