@90spideypool
when you’re jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask “what you know about this?”
me:
@TravLeBlanc
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
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@90spideypool
@sageboggs
ME: why am I always anxious? maybe watching TV will help-
NEWS: IF THE HURRICANE DOESN’T KILL YOU, CLOWNS WILL
@myonlymizztake
AC changed bail to basil, and now I’m sitting in jail with some lovely herbs.
@mcarmel
If you boil a funny bone does it then become a laughing stock.
@RCKruseKontrol
*sees money in my bank account*
oh crap i must have forgotten a bill
@weismanjake
Hangman is a weird game to let kids play. Hey kid, if you don’t think of this word, a random man will be put to death.
@PinkCamoTO
5: I want to do something no one else has ever done.
Me: Help me clean?
5: No. Something fun.
@Divergentmama
As my kids get older, I am more convinced that drinking water fixes everything.
Have a stomachache – drink some water
Have a headache – you really need to drink more water
Bear attack on the way to school – I bet the bear was dehydrated, here have a glass of water
@TweetsByTheTony
*runs away from it all*
*runs back*
*grabs phone charger*
*runs away from it all again*
@DarkerWillow
Amazon Prime sounds like a great dating site for Super Fierce Cougars.