Him: You’re pretty saucy
Me: *wiping face quickly
But this spaghetti is soo good
Women, don’t tell us about your boyfriend. He’s a guy. We know what he’s like.
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Me: you seem disappointed
Dracula: *holding a bloody Mary* it’s fine, I’m fine
UPDATE: Twitter Reacts To The Scottish Independence Referendum
Back to Future II is so unrealistic not a single person takes a selfie or gets bullied on the internet
scrolling through my own 2019 instagrams
I’m scared of buying an iPhone X cos there’s a chance mine might get swapped with Brad Pitt’s and since we look 100% alike he can unlock it
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Harry Potter: A Shortened Version
Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter.
Everyone else: Lol, no.