@DrFFurter: Women say they like tall men and I'm probably 6ft 4" in these stilettos and not a single girl in this bar has approached me yet!
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@bourgeoisalien: the saddest part about self driving cars will be all the times people die mid trip and then ur dinner guests or pizza guy will arrive dead
@blade_funner: [the invention of ping pong] "I don't want this tiny ball." "Well, neither do I." "That makes me very angry." "Me too."
@Halbeerz: "So You've Been Drinking and Think You Can Dance" now that's a reality show I would watch.
@Darlainky: I got Chinese takeout for the family and used tweezers to see which cookie had the best fortune so I could take it. Because sometimes fate needs to be steered.