women wearing veils at their wedding arent fooling anybody. you invited us to this shit we know its you under there. cut the crap lady

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I’ve learned everything I need to know about stupid people from stupid people.


Eminem: You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

Eminem’s Wife: I have a headache


*catches 4yo putting on deodorant*

Me: What are you doing?

4yo: Feeding my armpits.

Me….as you were.


ME: Ok, that’s everything in the dishwasher

*closes dishwasher door*
*turns it on*
*turns around*

TEASPOON: You’re not gonna believe this


Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it?

Asking for a friend


Why is my kitchen floor so gross I just mopped like 3 months ago.




Cat: What are you doing?

Me: Nothing.

Cat: You were looking at younger cats again.

Me: No

Cat: Show me your Instagram feed.

Me: No way.