“Steve, Steve, mate, I’ve gone blind, where are you? Seen any bread yet?”
Women who want to renew your wedding vows….
Why not renew the bachelorette party? You’d probably have more fun.
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Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with “.gov”?
Protip: Never ask an accountant “What have I got to lose?”
LOOK A UFO!
Quick, grab the worst camera
money can buy.
[when someone likes me]
*eyes narrow* but I don’t even like me
You light one person on fire and all of a sudden the police drive by on the daily.
Actually, I thought 50 Shades Of Grey was about Taco Bell meat.
Currently accomplishing an astonishing amount of nothing, at a blistering rate.
My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows.
Him: Choose your weapons.
Him: See? This is why everyone wants you dead.