@DimpleThakkar

Wonder when that family from Russia is going to realize I took a selfie instead of a photo of them standing in front of the Chinese Theatre.

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@mrjohntofu

Saw a unicorn using a phone booth and all I can think is, who is she calling?

@ericsshadow

I wear the same 2 Halloween costumes every year. I start off as a “ghost” and end up as a “drunk ghost that needs a ride home.”

@Dutch_50

I found a bat in my basement & my first reaction was to run to the door so the light could get in, because I saw it done in a vampire movie.

@TheMichaelRock

Me: We need to hire smarter people.

HR: Why?

Me: Is there someone smarter I can talk to about this?

HR…

@hyperblastchic

Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.

@LurkAtHomeMom

Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.

@MomOfTeen

My youngest son’s dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute.

I admire his hope that they’ll bounce up and swish down.

@2tickytacky

Four uses I have for my guitar now:

1) fly swatter
2) wiffle ball bat
3) rug beater
4) oven pizza spatula thing