Saw a unicorn using a phone booth and all I can think is, who is she calling?
Wonder when that family from Russia is going to realize I took a selfie instead of a photo of them standing in front of the Chinese Theatre.
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I wear the same 2 Halloween costumes every year. I start off as a “ghost” and end up as a “drunk ghost that needs a ride home.”
I found a bat in my basement & my first reaction was to run to the door so the light could get in, because I saw it done in a vampire movie.
Time flies when a falcon steals your wristwatch.
Me: We need to hire smarter people.
Me: Is there someone smarter I can talk to about this?
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
NO I WOULD NOT LIKE TO KNOW WHAT FRUIT MY BODY IS SHAPED LIKE
Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.
My youngest son’s dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute.
I admire his hope that they’ll bounce up and swish down.
Four uses I have for my guitar now:
1) fly swatter
2) wiffle ball bat
3) rug beater
4) oven pizza spatula thing