If your religion is worth killing for, start with yourself.
Word of the Day: No
Please use it in a sentence: No.
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Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats!!! Many of you are about to be grandparents!!!
Went in for my checkup yesterday. Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable, but he’s a great dentist so I let it go.
You should be able to make your GPS call you a code name.
“Bobcat, in 3.1 miles turn left”
“Recalculating, Bobcat, you’re going rogue.”
*yells up to treehouse*
me: what are you girls doin?
them: *yells back* chattin and braidin!
me: *climbing up* WAIT ARE THOSE BOY’S NAMES, I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE
Sorry I can’t pay my rent this month, I bought an apple at the airport.
ME: Not all heroes eat crepes.
HIM: It’s “Not all heroes wear capes.”
ME: Oh, so do all heroes eat crepes?
ME: Then shut up.
me: just bear with me
bouncer: yeah no he can’t come in
Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.
If I was a Disney princess I’d most likely be Tacobelle.
Thanks for reading.