Thinking is hard, that’s why I appreciate websites telling me in advance how I will feel about the article
If it says, ‘Do not try this at home’ – go and visit a friend.
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It’s freezing in my office, I wish I owned a Samsung Note 7.
Don’t forget to sacrifice your own personal goals to live up to someone else’s expectations today!
If people are going to judge me they should at least hold up scorecards so I know how I’m doing.
Cop: are you currently under the influence of any mind altering substances?
Me: just that gorgeous smile of yours
Cop: get outta here
can’t believe how far my ex is going to make me jealous. moving away, not talking to me for 10 years, getting married. nice try, idiot. it’s so obvious
I just had a nun tell me she loves rum and coke, and that she doesn’t have a beer belly… it’s a “rummy tummy.”
My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery.
[ugly sweater contest]
*takes home the gold*
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.