@daplusk: Worst thing about visiting an art gallery is when my 10 year old nephew yells 'who arted' and i feel i failed as i should've thought of that joke
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@OakHill_: Me: *turns on game Wife: *turns on vacuum Me: *turns volume to max Wife: Me: Wife: Wife: *runs vacuum slowly in front of television
@Marlebean: Hostess:There's a 45 min wait Me:Do you know who I am? I have THOUSANDS of followers! H:Let me ask my manager *2 min later H:It'll be 43 min
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Is there candy in that drawer? Me: No. 4: Can I check? Me: Do you have a warrant?