computer: “save this image as 6606499f1e5c84d7c30.png?”
Would bet there’s a math equation that can tell how many kids a person has by measuring the amount of Cheerios on the floor of their car …
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Just call and I’ll be there.
*Turns phone off*
Important notice I stuck on a bench in the park today.
INTERVIEWER: What are your skills?
BATMAN: I right things.
I: What do you write?
B: I Right People’s Wrongs.
I: Oh so you’re an editor?
olive garden host: welcome to ol-
me: [inhales deeply] i’m ready to help guard the olives
Ice cream is clearly God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
security question: who was your first grade teacher?
my first grade teacher, hacking my bank account: oh HELL yes
Ocean’s 8 makes me feel seen as a woman but also as someone who has tried to organize anything with more than 3 people
Wired: “Machine learning will TAKE OVER THE WORLD!”
Amazon: “We see you bought a wallet. Would you like to buy ANOTHER WALLET?”
Some questions in life you don’t even need to ask. Like when your child tells you they need to go to the store at 8pm to get stuff for a project.
You know 1) they’ve known about it for three weeks and 2) it’s due tomorrow.