would love to see a prequel to Titanic where we see Jack completely unable to climb onto a floating pool toy and we all go “ahh makes sense”

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Took a screenshot with my iPhone with the intention of texting a picture of my cracked screen.So the answer is no I didn’t graduate college.


When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you’ve been using Apple Maps.


Remembering the evil paraglider today. Wondering how he’s faring in all this.


Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they’re faux lesbian. I don’t believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they’re farm-raised.


I DO love to rush breathlessly into Starbucks and scream “Is anyone in here writing a screen play? We need one! This is an emergency!”


I just learned that embalmers insert butt plugs into corpses to prevent leakage….

So now I know why zombies walk like they do.


Sorry, I called you by accident. I was actually just trying to delete your number from my phone.