Me: got the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos
Iron Man: snap and bring everyone back
Me: [turning things into puppies] hold on
“Would you like the tuna fish casserole?”
“No thanks, I’ll take the pig ham sandwich”
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I think I’m finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward.
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Good morning, Twitter 😊
Bank employees are called tellers, remember that next time you whisper them secrets.
I bet Amelia Earhart is just wandering around in an IKEA somewhere.
Person: “Are you in a wheelchair in your dreams?”
Me [from my wheelchair]: “Are you stupid in yours?”
Mickey Mouse: Hey, so I’m seeing someone now.
Donald Duck: Me too.
Mickey: What’s she like?
Donald: Me. But with a bow.
Mickey: Sounds hot.
Accidentally opened Excel. Decided to roll with it and get my life together. See you all never.