Wouldn’t it be cool if Zombies & Vampires become human if we bite them first?

Somebody needs to test that one.

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In my youth, there was no “snapschapts”.
If you liked a young lady, you’d draw a proper picture of your genitals and send it to her parents.


Just for kicks whenever I run into an old friend I haven’t seen in a while I greet them with “holy shit I thought you died.”


If a mad scientist ever clones me, throw a cube of cheese in the air. The faster one is me.


Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’

Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”


Nothing much worse than being forced to listen to someone else’s music and not be able to tell them their taste is shit.


Be careful how much wine you drink, might end up vacuuming the driveway in your panties


What if Capri Suns became self-aware and started stabbing us back?


Me: Daughters, dude. Driving me crazy, you know?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Want another juice box, bro?

Him: Yeah.

3 year-old neighbor boy gets me.