[after explaining speed limit signs]
5: I like how you’re creative with speed limits
wow the language they speak in the uk sounds almost exactly like english
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Karen is on the list for 2019 hurricane names. Managers all along the east coast are nervous.
[screaming from my front porch] You teens get off my lawn and register to vote!
I’ve hated dentists way before they started killing lions.
Me: Why is my phone making this odd noise when I use it?
Verizon Service Rep: *listens* It’s playing Backstreet Boys
Me: Tell me WHY
Rep: Ain’t nothing but a mistake
Studies show that people who start a sentence with “studies show…” have no clue what they’re talking about
Created by Jews, saves humanity.
Who, Jesus? No, dummy. Superman.
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