Writer: So this movie is about a little girl and her dog and…

Disney: Her parents die. Brilliant.

Writer: No.

Disney: Just her mom?

Writer: No.

Disney: Her dad?

Writer: No.

Disney: So then who dies? The girl? The dog?

Writer: Nobody dies!

Disney: Get out.

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Yeah? And I’m a non-smoker except for cigarettes. #WorldVeganDay


help my (23M) fireflies (10,000) have unionized against me


My main goal in life is to become a cooking show judge

Mostly because I like to criticize people while I eat


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ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car’s shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I’m sexy.