Wrong answers only

Answer: Marriage

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How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one? You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE


Me: lets go on a date
Her: umm
Me: what could go wrong
*25 minutes later we are being chased by a pack of raccoons*


When does the jogging end… surely they must be getting close to declaring a winner


KID: are you sure this will work?
ME: *holding a fishing rod with a peppermint attached* do you want a new grandpa or not?


dinosaur: omg a meteor

tyrannosaurus clark kent: *trying really hard to remove his glasses with his stupid little arms*


They say if you ever get attacked by a shark you should punch it in the nose which is easy cause imagine how composed you would be.


Satan: “Waaazzz up?”

God: “Speak of the Devil.”

Satan: “Really?”

God: “Sorry, figure of speech.”

Satan: “Jesus Christ.”

Jesus: “What?”


Netflix: *30 seconds into an Adam Sandler comedy* Are you still watching?


*drives up to liquor store door, honks horn
*wine jumps off shelf, hops into my car
*speeds off