Pretty cool to think every time the Verizon guy said “Can you hear me now?” the NSA was quietly answering “Yes we can.”
“How could you?”
“I’m right here.”
-my dog watching me throw food in the trash
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Got fired from my 4th fast food job in a row for asking “do you want a shake with that?” at the drive thru window and then twerking for 5 minutes no matter what they answered
Telling another person you’re superior to them while you’re both on twitter is like a meth addict telling a heroin addict they should get off drugs.
Today’s Tarot Card: It’s not the destination that matters; it’s the huge number of enemies you’ve made along the way.
We’re all different. For example, some folks get up early to exercise… And others get up early to eat cookies before the kids wake up.
Chickens are proof that God loves us by creating a tasty bird that can barely fly.
Bought some of that edible cookie dough.
Gotta say it’s just not as good without the hint of a salmonella threat.
I’m going to leave the presents out and hide my kids in the closet until Christmas.
*gleefully prepares egg salad sandwiches for milestone birthday party of office nemesis*
I hate when I’m in a room with 3 other people, & I have to shove the entire kit kat in my mouth.