@cravin4

Ya remember when arguing with people on the internet was fun?

Yea. Me nether.

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@LoveNLunchmeat

I always cry at weddings, but only because being that close to large cakes makes me so happy.

@Cravin4

Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth

@buttgh0st

“sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?”
yes it was like a weird pancake

@bridger_w

Yelp review: Excellent food, friendly service. That said, I did notice a smudge on a window and was forced to set the building on fire

@JonAcuff

You know who the real winner is today? The guy who sells “I voted” stickers.

@Piecezilla

Putting a bell around a cow’s neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.

@drinksmcgee

The best part about owning cats is that they’ll eat you when you die and save you the cost of a funeral.

@char2_D2

Overheard in my dorm, from the hallway: “Dude, are those tearaway pants?” *ripping sound* “DUDE THAT’S SO COOL”

@HumanPog

one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process

@KalvinMacleod

Their palms are sweaters, knees sweatery, arms are sweaters. There’s more sweater on their sweater already.