@cravin4

Ya remember when arguing with people on the internet was fun?

Yea. Me nether.

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@TheWoodenslurpy

Nothing displeases me more than when a friend gets into a serious plane crash after I’ve specifically told them to have a safe flight.

@iwearaonesie

mother-in-law (on FB): I’m tired of everyone being so condesending
*wife tackles me before I can write “you spelled ‘condescending’ wrong”*

@Diversion50

Appendi
Appendii
Appendiii
Appendiv
Appendv
Appendvi
Appendvii
Appendviii
Appendix

@AristotlesNZ

This dog must been at some wild ass party last night. He still wearing a lampshade around his neck.

@thats_a_morey

What’s that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret

@JohnLyonTweets

Went on blind date, woke up in bathtub with kidney gone. 6 out of 10, would date again.

@ClichedOut

*opens kitchen drawer*
Me: Whoa, what’s with all the whisks?
Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?

@JennyJohnsonHi5

“Yeah, well your dog isn’t a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you’re vaccinated” – how a kid talks shit in 2015

@RobocopLust

A portmanteau is when you combine 2 words to make 1 word. A great example of this is Groupon, a mixture of grey and poupon.

@TravLeBlanc

My friend went to a salon and asked them to straighten his hair. So they took out his highlights.