Nothing displeases me more than when a friend gets into a serious plane crash after I’ve specifically told them to have a safe flight.
Ya remember when arguing with people on the internet was fun?
Yea. Me nether.
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mother-in-law (on FB): I’m tired of everyone being so condesending
*wife tackles me before I can write “you spelled ‘condescending’ wrong”*
This dog must been at some wild ass party last night. He still wearing a lampshade around his neck.
What’s that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret
Went on blind date, woke up in bathtub with kidney gone. 6 out of 10, would date again.
*opens kitchen drawer*
Me: Whoa, what’s with all the whisks?
Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?
“Yeah, well your dog isn’t a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you’re vaccinated” – how a kid talks shit in 2015
A portmanteau is when you combine 2 words to make 1 word. A great example of this is Groupon, a mixture of grey and poupon.
My friend went to a salon and asked them to straighten his hair. So they took out his highlights.