@BigRadMachine: Y'all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
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@xLiserx: I tried living every day like it was my last but I got arrested on my second day of looting.
@AmericanGent69: Her: *whispering seductively in my ear* Tell me what you want baby. Me: *whispering back* I was thinking maybe Thai food but up to you.
@Book_Krazy: [on my deathbed] Me: Where...*cough* where is your father? Kids: *crying by my side* being consoled by your girlfriends. Me: I'M UP!!!