@FemaleTexts: yall i cant breathe rn
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: How do you tell your spouse you were fired from SpaghettiOs for honoring Pearl Harbor Day with a smiling cartoon noodle holding a flag?
@BlondAmbitionTO: On dates, if a man says the past tense of "see" as "I seen" instead of "I saw," I go to the bathroom and climb out the window.
@FeverFlave: [inventing worcestershire sauce] Lea: We'll bottle pickled anchovy juice and name it unpronounceable. Perrins: That might work.
@k_lli: My favorite part of the holiday party is getting to meet my coworkers' dates & find out who chooses to put up with these people for free.