@breeinthestee

Yay it’s payday!
*pays bills
That was short lived.

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@Fickle_Filly

Colleagues who feel the need to say “You either love me or hate me!” are oblivious to the fact that it’s always the latter.

@JohnLyonTweets

Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

@Michael1979

Am not being sponsored to say this but if any of you guys are looking to protect your feet while walking on rough terrain, check out “shoes”

@Pork_Chop_Hair

Me: how about a sexy rendezvous?

Him: did you just pronounce it ren-dezz-vuss?

Me: we’re texting

Him: I heard it

@imchriskelly

Someone just tweeted something vague that made me think a celeb had died so I googled “dead.” No dice! Thank god—hang in there, celebs!

@marebytes

I’d have more respect for the weather man if he just got on camera & said “I have no idea, your guess is as good as mine -go outside & look”

@NourhanKheir

an advice to every dad,if you wanna see your children just turn the router off,they will suddenly appear.btw ur neighbor might come as well.

@TheAlexNevil

*first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist

@FU_TangClan

Aladdin: I can show you the world

Jasmine: lets go to New York!

Aladdin: hold on

Jasmine: then London

Aladdin: wait

Jasmine: and then-

Aladdin: listen you wanna see Agrabah I can show you Agrabah