Yeah but how do misinformed people feel about it?

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friend: you’re not taking this chess game seriously

me: [pushing tiny horse down into my chocolate pudding] ARTAAAAX!


Son: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
S: Do you have a plan for the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’?
M: Sure do.
S: What is it?
M: To run faster than you & your sister.


– Hello, princess. Can I call you princess?
– No.
– OK then, Mr. Smith, let’s just get started with your prostate exam.


*finally gets comfortable with you*
*starts whispering in your ear*
“oooo baby I can recite all my phobias in alpha order”


What does stormtrooper armor protect against, exactly? Knives?


Any question can be a rhetorical question if you walk away fast enough.


This guy texting in metro besides me keeps covering his phone, like I care about his dinner plans in CP with his girlfrnd “Shona baby”