My kids will insist on wearing the same grungy PJs for 6 days in a row, but they’ll put a t-shirt in the dirty hamper just because it fell off the hanger
Yeah but how many of you can say you’ve managed to get your head stuck in the strings of a piano
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Couples costume idea: both people dress up as Robin then spend the whole night arguing over who was supposed to be Batman
[email protected] i tried to give a coke bottle to a polar bear. he did not accept. also he took my son. i need my son back
Idk y men go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need
i’m selfie-employed. yes sir i’ll make a duck-face. right away sir.
No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.
Overheard 2 dad’s at the playground wondering if my kid was as creepy as me.
Joke’s on them. I don’t have kids.
*Love in the time of coronavirus*
Hey baby, want to go back to my place and play find the paper cut with the hand sanitizer?
HOW TO DIAGNOSE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION:
1) It’s not very hard
“911, what is your emergency?”
I got stuck in a beaded curtain