Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain
[yelling to bartender in crowded nightclub] WHAT KIND OF CAPRI SUN FLAVORS DO YOU HAVE?
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My favorite part of going out is when I sneak out the club without saying bye to anyone to go home and sleep
Friend: Did you know that a butterfly only lives for 2 days?
Me: I think that’s a myth.
Friend: No it’s definitely a butterfly.
Brain: You’ve got ONE shot at this.
Brain: Go talk to her.
“YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?”
My lack of pants is nobody’s business.
“Jess is coming over”
“Jess who indiscriminately murders people or-”
*Gets stabbed to death*
The person who named the eggplant must have been:
a) Colorblind, and
b) Totally high
“Excuse me, do you have towels?”
“Oh, I don’t work here.”
[leans in close]
“I don’t give a shit where you work.”
Prove im not a robot by typing the wierd letters? um PRove your not a robot! i can see u computer yoU are a robot and this is my website now
My electric car is getting a service, so I have to drive an acoustic one.