*yells from space*
Did you kill that spider?!
You Might Also Like
Friend: Man, it’s hot. Thank god for AC, right?
Me: I don’t have air conditioning.
Friend: How do you stay cool?
Me: *Slips on sunglasses & leather jacket; vapes; engages Heelys and rolls away*
Friend: Holy shit.
Spider-Man: bit by radioactive spider
Iron Man: bit by radioactive iron
Hawkeye: bit by radioactive hawk right in the eye
4-year-old: What happens when you die?
Me: You go to heaven.
4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?
Of course my husband went into sales. He told his drill sergeant at basic training he was allergic to fish because he didn’t like fish and got a sandwich made for him. IN THE ARMY.
When did we get a dog?
-me, getting into the wrong gray minivan at Target
Cute girl in the office sees me do something with my left hand
Her: oh. You’re left-handed too
*I pretend to be left-handed for next 5 yrs
How to be a Canadian:
1) Love hockey
2) Use good manners
3) Drink Tim Hortons
4) Live in a igloo
5) Hunt moose with stick
I like to sleep naked. I don’t understand why airlines have a problem with this.
Did you ever ask your parents what went wrong, people named Lasagna?