Me: Congrats! I heard you got married again
Her: Sorry I didn’t invite you. It was a small ceremony
Me: Its ok. I’ll go to your next one
Yes beer, it’s definitely time to try out my karaoke skills on the front lawn again
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Either your employees are very rude…
Or, the name of your store is terribly misleading.
An ‘Unsatisfied’ Customer
Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect – A Guide to Dying Alone.
Slash: Ok whats Paradise City like?
Izzy: Pretty girls?
Axl: Nice lawns!
Axl: Green grass!
“Grass is alw-”
Axl: JUST WRITE IT
My wife is now fully vaccinated so [uses her as a human shield wherever we go]
Whenever someone tells me they get a “high” from running, all I’m thinking is, “You’ve obviously never been high before.”
friend: you’ve been watching the tv for 8 hours
me: yeah so
friend: maybe u should turn it on
A big storm is coming & everyone’s buying bread, milk, and eggs. Apparently you battle bad weather with French Toast.
You should be able to twist the bottom of the pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a chapstick.
Thank God for semi colon’s. How would I have ever been able to flirt if they didn’t exist?