@weinerdog4life: Yes hello 911, I put a smaller microwave inside a bigger microwave and now there's a wormhole in my kitchen
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@The_KJM: I can undo a bra with two fingers and no eyes but can't tie a tie with both hands and a 6 minute video tutorial.
@JasonBerlin: 1. Bang knee on table - curse life. 2. Check credit card balance. 3. Think back to sweet moment when you banged knee on table.
@jordan_stratton: COACH: You miss 100% of the shots you take. ME: You mean, don't take? COACH: No. You are, by far, the worst athlete I have ever seen.
@JimmerThatisAll: I know things ordinary people don't know because ordinary people don't talk to squirrels.