@RandomManik

Yes, I have read ‘Game Of Thrones’.
No, It is not any different from the show.

-Me, after watching Game of Thrones with subtitles.

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@Skoogeth

At the end of Ratatouille, the food critic, Anton Ego, ends up funding a small bistro for Remy to cook in.

The avg lifespan for a rat (ie THE HEAD CHEF) is 1.8 years.

This is an absolute shit investment.

@AndrewChamings

[really awkward birthday party]

FIRST EVER PERSON TO SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY: [takes deep breath]

@MetteAngerhofer

My 6yo sprayed me with the bathroom air freshener, so now I smell like eau de toilette.

@deeprocktees

If you mean sleeping all day and only speaking to demand meals then yes, my teen has cat-like reflexes

@WilliamRodgers

I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave “quicker”

@BoogTweets

[first date]

Adam: *puts phone face down on the table* hey

Eve: interesting, are you afraid I’ll see a text from another woman

Adam: *rubbing the bridge of his nose* how could that even be possible

@ADDiane

I don’t like revenge. Just one venge is enough.

@Hormonella

“I love this song!”

“This is my favorite song!”

“I love this song!”

“No, THIS is my favorite song!”

~ Me, listening to my own playlist

@PyrBliss

I’m no mathementientist, but I should probably go to bed because it’s 4AM and I’m making up words again.