@comer310

Yes, of course I love French films.

Have you seen Rugrats in Paris?

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@GingerHotDish

My gym is opening up again, so now I have to go back to not going because I’m lazy.

@BoomBoomBetty

Son: Can you make a deposit into my prison commissary account?

Me: Stop calling your school lunch account the prison commissary.

@SlenderSherbet

“Steve, Steve, mate, I’ve gone blind, where are you? Seen any bread yet?”

@schumyxxx

When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for two?”, I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”.

@TheCattyLady

Go down a water slide without water and you’ll understand why foreplay is so important.

@3sunzzz

Take it easy, Officer. You act like you’ve never seen a woman with a car full of penguins before.

@TheWoodenslurpy

It sucks when something bad happens to someone you hate. Nobody will let you gloat. It’s like you can’t even enjoy your own joy.

@karanbirtinna

Wife: Been a long time since we went on a vacation.

Me: Great idea. Where do you wanna go?

Wife: Some place romantic. Paris.

Me: Ok. And I’ll go to Thailand.