@ginnyhogan_

yesterday a man corrected my pronunciation of my name

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@LittleMissZesty

Conversations with my pets:

Me: Please could you
Dog: OF COURSE!
Me: I haven’t said what it
Dog: I LOVE YOU!

Me: Please could you
Cat: No.

@TheDairylandDon

The only spanish I know is from the song Feliz Navidad, so these last few days have been my time to shine.

@thenoahkinsey

I don’t have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason.

@itsa_talia

why would old man skeletor wait until the 3rd period of the final game to introduce new uniforms to the team you’re a stupid old man

@Kauaibride

please stop calling that oatmeal raisin thing a cookie. it’s a round granola bar.

@Smooheed

Sneezing is a really good way of working out exactly how full your bladder is

@Super_Cynthia

In 1979, a call coming from inside the house was a reason for terror.
In 2014, it means one of you is too lazy to shout or come downstairs.

@LackOfShame

I’m no blood spatter expert, but by the look of this bathroom floor, you’re pulling your tampons out way too fast.

@AdderallMomma

“I’ll be black” the potato dramatically announced moments before going into Sarah Connor’s freezer

-The Termintator