Yesterday I wanted a pizza. Today I’m eating one.

Fight for your dreams.

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I’m going to start eating healthy again so I need to eat this half of a leftover cake to get it out of the house.


Apparently Mr. Neeson’s “particular set of skills” is terrible at keeping his family from getting kidnapped.


My friend thinks her husband is cheating on her. I don’t have the heart to tell her he’s just out chasing Pokemon.


Boss: how flexible is your lunch today?
Me: *putting my chicken’s leg over his head…
“I think he’s really limber!”


With Girls Gone Wild bankrupt wild girls no longer have a home. Many of them will be put down. Please. Adopt a wild girl. Before she’s gone.


I like long walks while holding hands.. which always seems a little awkward with strangers on the beach.



-the first person to drink coffee


I have a mice problem so I lay out tiny red and blue bandanas in hopes they start a west coast/east coast thing and take care of each other.