I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit.
And all I did was sign up.
You and I share a very special connection.
*I’m parked outside your house using your Wi-fi.
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at banned camp,
I felt really excluded.
I was going to sign this permission slip to let my daughter watch The Grinch at school but I haven’t heard back from North Korea yet.
*Dorothy pummells Glenda with a ruby slipper
DAFUQ YOU MEAN I HAD THE POWER TO GO HOME ALL ALONG?!! YOU SENT A MINOR TO MURDER A WITCH!!??
[NASA March 1970]
Me: 13’s unlucky. What if something bad happens?
NASA: dude why would you say that out loud!?!
[NASA April 1970]
[everyone in the Apollo 13 Mission Control slowly turns to look at me]
Rule: If thou has a Macbook, thou shall always taketh photos of objects with the Macbook in the background.
Ways Ryan Gosling and I are similar: 1. Up to date on our vaccinations 2. I dunno, that’s probably it and I’m not sure about that first one.
Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity
Guy next to me: Nooooo
Me: I trained my whole life for this
I miss dating
The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window…
[on phone with kidnapper]
*flirty* …no YOU have 24 hrs to come up with the ransom