@weinerdog4life

You are all invited to my murder shed, I mean my shed

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@TheBoydP

No generation will ever be joked about as much as millennials.

Gen Z: Hold my tide pod…

@Bratch_Patch

“Friends are a dime a dozen.” *pulls out a sack full of dimes* “Sweet, I’ll take 32 dozen friends please.”

@yonewt

Make me wait this long there’d better be a foam masterpiece on my cappuccino, don’t even try to appease me with a fern

@TragicAllyHere

Hmm…
kkkk (too many)
kkk (too racist)
kk (looks like a typo)
k (that’ll work)

Why you see my texting bubble for 10 min before getting “k”

@Average_Dad1

These life hack videos are getting out of control like no I don’t want to make a life jacket out of an old peanut butter sandwich

@FeverFlave

I would rather have a 100 poisonous spiders dumped on my naked body than a second date.

Me: So that’s a no?

@sarcasticmommy4

I love the meaningful conversations I have with my son.

“YOU BETTER DIE IN YOUR FORTNITE GAME BECAUSE DINNER IS READY IN 5 MINUTES!”

@gman_kam

If by fitness you mean I eat healthy & exercise regularly, then yes, I am not fit.