The first thing they teach you in AA is to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
You are what you eat.
*eats Ryan Gosling*
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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don’t know whose side I’m on.
“My phone’s about to die.” -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call.
I want my toddler to be independent but I also want this banana peeled before I die.
[Maroon 4 meeting]
Adam Levine: “Our band name sucks”
Drummer that no one knows the name of: “let’s think bigger”
Adam: “I’ve got it”
Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake.
*brings bucket of fried chicken in meeting*
*I eat each piece, crunching, licking my fingers*
*touches all the paper work*
Plot idea: 97% of the world’s scientists contrive an environmental crisis, but are exposed by a plucky band of billionaires & oil companies.
dude killed a sea lion with his bike