Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
You bring home one goat and suddenly you’re not allowed to go to the farmers market unsupervised anymore.
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Mufasa didn’t die, he just went out for a pack of smokes and a newspaper.
– The Lyin’ King
“Guess I’ll turn on the news to see what the government is up to” – The President of the United States
I had no idea we were still brushing our teeth.
*everyone does the macarena but like really ironically*
Siri, what kind of candy is in that van?
Microsoft Word is the most sensitive thing ever. You move something half an inch and all the pictures move, 3 new pages inserted, fire alarm goes, thunder and lightning, volcano erupts, stock market collapses
I like big MUTTS & I cannot lie
U other breeders can’t deny
When a dog walks in with a pretty mixed race & spots all on its face it gets PET
[me, stacking babies on top of each other]
Him: Wha…What are you doin there?
Me: Oh, you know, just building up the infant structure.
HER: I don’t know what you’d do without me.
HER: Please stop imagining all those things.