@louisvirtel: You can always predict what antigay protesters will say. But never how they'll spell it.
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@AllieA: My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.
@: “Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone,” mother would say, going upstairs. But I couldn’t help myself. I sneaked in and watched him. Watched him make his stupid little peach shoes, taunting. “Nobody’s going to wear those,” I’d say. “They’re stupid.” But on he worked.
@vikkaroni: If you wondered if I was on the naughty list this year, I should probably tell you that the best gift I got was a packing peanut.