@DevilryFun

You can count on your dog to be the first responder when anything or anyone drops to the floor.

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@Cheeseboy22

The Teen Choice Awards has to be the most legit award show because teens always make the best choices.

@WineMummy

Me:*screaming in horror in the bathroom*
Him:*banging on door* Are you ok? WTF is going on?
M:I found a gray hair!
H:So?
M:IN MY EYEBROW!!

@TheToddWilliams

Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!!

Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…

Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn

@shutupmikeginn

If Sherlock is such a great detective why does it take him 90min to solve a crime when CSI detectives do it in an hour minus commercials??

@AimeeHelene1

I was sitting there getting my hair cut, when a spider ran across the floor.

And that’s how you accidentally get bangs.

@CutCopyPasta

[Running away from home]

Me: I didn’t even know houses could run this fast!

@faizziy

I save a lot of money on all my tooth extractions by engaging in street fights..

@JD_KC

Please stop throwing my only possession.
~dogs everywhere