[first day as 911 operator]
ME: 911 what’s your- your- *looks over to boss*
ME: hey, gotta go we have an emergency here
You can learn a lot from a woman wielding a knife. For example, your top running speed.
You Might Also Like
Her: I’m not going to keep pausing the movie to explain it to you
Me: I just have a hard time understanding
Her: they’re in that position bc he delivered the pizza but she doesn’t have any money
Me: it’s just a few spoonfuls of ice cream, why are you freaking out?
Him: that’s a ladle
Sheriff: you mean to tell me you’ve walked into this town for a lame joke set up?
Stranger: things have happened
Bishop: Do you have any job-related questions?
Bishop: What about the other Bible chapters?
Boy, are you a yellow sports car because I am embarrassed to be seen with you but I am very pleased with your performance.
A bear went into a bar.
“I’d like a whiskey…….
Bartender asks “why the long pause?”
Bear says “oh, I was born with them”.
Staring out into the horizon..
Me: this is so peaceful, tranquil & romantic
[Bf holding up a stuffed lion]
Bf:Ah zabenya za dabib du da
I told my boss I’m calling in sick today. He said, “You can’t do that when you’re already here.” Is that true you guys?
Free cake in the break room and these people turn into cheetahs on a gazelle.
I think Pam from Accounting died.
She wasn’t strong enough.