Greatest “Bad at sex” tweets of 2019
Choose your fighter!
You can sign up for as many karate classes as you want there is literally no one monitoring this
You Might Also Like
I am woman. Watch me take one bite of cake then suddenly look pregnant with triplets ready to go into labor.
[first day in hell]
Me: Ugh, it’s humid here.
Me: The air…it’s moist.
Satan: Ok wait. You gotta stop saying that word.
Me: The heat AND the humidity make everything feel so moist.
Satan, rubbing temples:
This IS hell.
In alcohol’s defense, i’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn’t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Cat 911: what’s your emergency
Cat: my human is bleeding to death!
911: stay calm. what happened
Cat: she tried to pet my stomach so i bit her
Cat Paramedics: *arriving on scene* HAHAHAHA
Sorry I looked completely surprised that your baby didn’t burst into flames when I chanted The Power Of Christ Compels You.
So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything
I wonder if Medusa’s husband felt like he was being taken for granite.
I walk with a limp so people think I have a gun in my boot. And because I sprained my ankle running away from a moth.