@BritXNic: You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.
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@iAmDelFreaky: Me: Here you go. Her: WTF? Me: It's the genital mold you wanted. Her: I said gelatin mold! Me: *waddles away with pants around ankles*
@UnIxphysco: My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
@daemonic3: ME: someone gave me a cigarette at my job today WIFE: that thing will slowly kill you! ME: I know but at least I got a cigarette from it