DUMBLEDORE: Who’s brought evil into Hogwarts?
HARRY: I think it’s Malfoy, professor!
DARK MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHER: Oh come on
You can tell a lot about a person by judging them.
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New superhero: The Delegator
“This looks like a job for… Someone Else!”
How dare Beyonce bring symbols of past racial strife into popular music performance!!
Barack: Sign here, and here
Joe: And then the adoption is final & you and Michelle are my parents?
Barack: No, Joe
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Me *walks in a perfectly straight line and then smiles at cop* told you I could do it!
Cop: you’re still getting arrested for murder though