@BriarSlyMadness

You can tell A LOT about a Woman’s mood just by looking at her hands…

…for example…If she’s holding a gun? She’s probably pissed.

You can tell A LOT about a Woman’s mood just by looking at her hands…

…for example…If she’s holding a gun? She’s probably pissed.

- @BriarSlyMadness

You Might Also Like

@ghostkrogh

judge: 99 yrs
me: is it cos i called ur gavel a justice hammer?
judge: no that actually helped
me: killing then
judge: yeah the killing

@LostCatDog

Waiter: Hi! Our special today is macaroni or cheese!
Me: Wait – did you say ‘or’ cheese?
Waiter: *lifts shirt, reveals gun* Look, I’m a cop

@1BigMick

Hey guy that puts the stickers on tomatoes, nobody likes you.

@kyle_thatisall

How to make a Disney Pixar film:
1. Take something that doesn’t talk
2. Make it talk

@mydmac

Diet day 1

I have removed all the bad food from the house.

It was delicious.

@chrislhayes

It’s not just that they lie, it’s that they lie the way an 8 year old lies.

@BellesJar

Friends with an ex?

I don’t even want to be friends with my friends.

@bees_wingz

Just removed my bra, whipped it around my head, and tried to toss it away, but a hook got caught in my hair. Available for bachelor parties.

@LMHPhotog

Ancient Man: Out of water. Let’s walk 10,000 miles to a fresh continent.

Modern Man: Fridge is empty. Guess I’ll just die in my kitchen.

@SadieSkyNinja

If they cause you to have anxiety & panic attacks the majority of your relationship, move on.

In related news, I just broke up with my mom