I yelled at my wife “Your miniskirt is way too short!!”
“Thats because its made for a woman” she replied “Now take it off & give it to me”
You can’t have your cake and thigh gap too.
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I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….nnn…..I just love smell of campfires.
iPhone 6: For people who don’t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
comic about CROWDSURFIN
I wish whitening toothpaste got my teeth as white as the places I drop it on my shirts.
Me: I’m so bored I literally have nothing to do
*10 upcoming assignments due tomorrow*
I tell my kids that thunder means God is shouting; rain means God is crying; and lightning means God is killing Luke Skywalker.
(Watching Planet Earth)
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: A narrow escape. The rabbit lives to fight another day
ME: hooray I wanted this
DA: The fox will have nothing to feed its hungry babies
ME: Oh no why did I want this
Today’s homeschooling Google searches: