Your lips say no but your eyes, they say no too. And your body language, that definitely says no. What I’m saying is you’re very consistent.
You can’t make everyone happy.
You’re not cheese.
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CAPE CANAVERAL- Space Chimp boards a shuttle whose mission is to see if Pluto is still a thing. Too Much Monkey Business plays over the loudspeaker as he indicates that Earth should kiss his derriere.
ME: i’ll have a footlong meatball sub on Italian herb & cheese thanks
SUBWAY: *train noises*
“Aboot a half kilometer up the road.”
“Just past the Tim’s on your left.”
“My pleasure, eh.”
Ten bucks says next year Planet Fitness uses the slogan “Flatten Your Curve.”
Vin Diesel’s full name is Vintage Dieselengine.
We should just put the White House on airbnb for 3 million a weekend.
I got 99 socks but a pair ain’t one
Noah: Yes Lord?
God: Where are the land sharks, flying spiders and the jumping snakes?
Noah: Oh nooooo, did I forget those?
“Oh my god, you’ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?”
– my mother