Like Grandma used to say, if it seems too good to be true buy as much of that shit as you can.
Grandma drank a lot. We miss her.
You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone crazy here!
Of course, if you’re swinging a dead cat you probably shouldn’t be so judgy.
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If I was Phil Collins I’d rub my belly after every meal and say ‘I’m Full Collins’, then insist everyone either laughed or left my house.
VW have got in2 trouble 4 falsifying data, apparently this is not d first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying abt gas emissions
Today is my first day of taking fish oil
When do I get scales
I stare at the cats.
“And in space, if you knock something slowly off the table, it just gently floats away.”
They look at me in horror.
The sooner you admit that you’ve made a mistake, the sooner you can move on to making bigger and better mistakes.
First rule of Water Boarding Club:
1. You will talk
I bet nobody noticed Superman flying around at first, so Clark just started pointing out every bird and plane until it caught on
An anonymous internet person said they were going to block me and then blocked me. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
I was bitten by a mosquito, then saw it land and get stuck in sap… so I guess what I’m saying is, there are going to be some disheartened geneticists when they accidentally clone me instead of a dinosaur